poem for samuel

this is the peom that I read to Sam at our wedding rehearsal...

you were waiting in line with the rest of the team
a voice called your name, it was a girl you'd never seen

the introduction was given, just names were sufficient

we laugh at that night when we met in the basement
I always timed my steps to match up with yours
so maybe we could talk before we left the classroom doors
I hated saying goodbye. we had great conversations.
from God and men to family vaccations
our affection became obvious, Mr. Graham noticed the spark
or he may have just noticed how I chased you like a shark
oh those were the days, fun times and flirting
Not knowing your thoughts, just wishing and hoping
I made the next move, I just couldn't stand it
he said, she said, Ok I was impatient
so i told you straight up, "I'm ready to date."
you agreed but said that I had to wait!
one month later, you gave me The Rose
I was so proud to be the one you chose
My mom always taught me, "you must teach a man
to treat you good." but we didn't know that I'd meet Sam.
to my surprise, the tables turned
i became the student, slowly I learned
He opens my doors, calls me beautiful and baby
never showing off, just serving his lady
it's hard to believe that 3 years have passed
dating was quite an adventure from the first day to the last
then we fell in love but agreed not to say
"I like you" would have to do until the ring came my way
What were we thinking? we are so weird
well the ring finally came and everyone cheered
this poem is too long so without further ado
I wanted everyone to hear "Samuel Self, I love you!
I love your heart and soul, your smiling face
Here's to a life full of freedom love and grace!"

a day in my shoes

smile like you're ok

swallow hard

push emotions away

focus

no time to answer

let it ring

forget to call them back

work more

now stay positive

keep going

walk quickly to the car

you're late

time for your meeting

take good notes

you can't be tired yet

go home

unload the honda

cook dinner

spend time with your husband

goodnight

wear your happy face

hold back tears

think about tomorrow

repeat

only you

Only you have words
that caress my ears

a touch so strong

it erases my fears

of being alone

Your gaze of desire

sends sparks down my spine

that fuel love's fire
Our lips touch briefly

before leaving me

wanting only you

Trip to the Fair

The place was crowded

full of people and laughter

kids running around

and parents chasing after

The Jackson State Fair

another first for me!

We sat on mats

and counted to three

Down the big yellow slide

Oh how funny!

Chicken on a stick?

Mmmm... Biscuits and honey!

the blacksmith

He's made many things

from gear shifts to benches.

He knocks and dings

with hammers and wrenches!

A pot becomes a grill

using torches on metal!

His welding is the real deal.

He deserves a medal.

On to a new skill

what tools would be needed?

starting with an anvil

of course he succeeded!

Perched and Peaceful

this is really random. I wrote this during our first year of marriage...

Perched and Peaceful

yes, perched and peaceful like a watchful bird.

Curious of the rush below just waiting for my time to go.

Many don't notice me sitting here. their eyes focused on the road ahead some wishing they were still in bed.

Swiftly they walk to bring home the check

I wander if their pace would be the same if they were going to harvest grain?

Nah, that would just provide basic needs not stylish clothes and Mercedes.

We choose the stress over labor so we can pretend to be great!

This poem must end or I'll be late.

Late for my low paying job with minimum labor and high stress rate.

Somehow I missed out but we're doing well without.

Empty Space

As long as my eyes were closed
Reality became what I chose.
Time did not exist along with
the pain and distance.
You and I were here and
our hearts beat the same.
I open my eyes to see your face
only to find an empty space.
To gaze upon you would be bliss
for your presence I do miss.

It's not too late

Answers to the who, what, when, where, why and how.

Why does it have to be this way?

marriage,

divorce,

fighting all day!

What in the world went wrong?

satan,

weakness,

No one is strong!

When will this cycle ever stop?

hatred,

broken,

Just call us slop!

Where will I go from here?

Liquor,

Cocaine,

Wanting cheap beer!

How will I overcome this fate?

Mercy,

The Cross,

It's not too late!

Who will look out for me?

Jesus,

Heaven,

He set me free!

what love will cost

I wrote this while Sam and I were dating ( i know Sam, "we are still dating."). This was early in our relationship... we were still learning and growing... ( i know sam, "we are still learning and growing.") so here it is:

Blank Page

Soon to be filled.

Filled with what?

emotions spilled.

Late night,

one of many.

who am I?

I ask on knee.

Love, love

so far from now.

emptiness!

my head I bow.

Lord God,

Bring him near.

far away,

am I his dear?

Tip toe

all the right moves.

yes or no

what do I choose?

Hard work

it seems to be,

passiveness

I want to flee!

Safe place

I think I've lost.

could this be

what love will cost?

The Unheard

I want to be a noble citizen
A person others will be proud of
I will be respctful and friendly
and I will live by Christ's merciful love

I may innocently make big mistakes
but I will do anything to make them right
My only goal is to make this world better
If only given the chance, I just might

I will end the war and cure cancer
God sent this to me in a vision
will someone please, please believe in me?
Tomorrow my mom will have my abortion

Blog Poem

Writing on a blog...
What a crazy thing to do!
write down my thoughts,
Then share them with you?

Ok, read if you dare.
or my thoughts you seek.
Entries will skip a day
Or even a whole week.

English majors, beware!
Grammar errors will be found
Not by me, just you
Some words are spelled by sound.

I just write as I go
When emotions rise or sink
Still reading? Here they are
The thoughts that I think...

Writing is so outdated!

i've been keeping a journal... by saying that, I mean I write my thoughts down every now and then. Sam gave me the journal as a gift before we got married because he wanted me to have a place to keep all of my poems. It soon turned into me ranting and raving about crazy things going on in my life. I lost it when we moved into our third apartment. When I found it, I had alot to catch up. I wrote about 10 pages when it hit me... I have horrible handwriting! I can see how it changed over the years. I just don't write very much anymore. It's all typed. So here I am... creating a blogspot. Of course, I will have to be a little more careful about what I say but maybe this can take the place of my faithful journal.